December 27, 2011
Pretty solid premise for an argument.

Pretty solid premise for an argument.

3:49pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zmz-XyDsngQ_
December 27, 2011
The Evolution of Music (Ten Years)

Music is constantly evolving. The consumer(s) propagates this process. With a pulse on the stages of what certain genres will likely become based on current trends in taste and consumption, I’m going to give you a glimpse of what some of the music you love will sound and resemble in 10 years.

Enjoy!

Hip Hop will be dominated by the gay community.

Jam Bands, over the course of 10 years will evolve into eight guys playing ONE guitar.

Indie Rock will just be a band on stage taking naps interspersed with the lead singer collecting his/her tears in a fedora while a dead horse whips the word IRONY written out in comic sans.

Country music will be dominated by the inner city with most song lyrics dealing with anti-American sentiment popularized by the genres’ figurehead, Louis Farrakhan, Jr.

Tacocore - a genre, once its name is determined and becomes the the most popular music of its time, will force my hand in suicide.

Dubstep, in order to listen to, will become something you have to simultaneously snort coaine mixed with powder bleach and clean the leaves from your mom’s gutters.

Rock and Roll will only be personally listenable to with a fifty dollar monthly AT&T payment and sizable yearly donation to The Republican Party. (Voted into law under President Gene Simmons)

1:37pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zmz-XyDsPhZV
December 24, 2011
Fruitcake Grovelers

In the bakery I work at, we make a fruitcake. They are disgusting, yet they sell out. Can’t keep ‘em on the shelves. The physical appearance of the people who seem to clamor for them fall in lockstep with how I feel about this dessert: they breathe and sound like Bobcat Goldthwait while resembling Buster Poindexter in the movie “Scrooged.”

12:12pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zmz-XyDjqOpc
December 24, 2011
Rick Ross

It would be sweet and not at all disrepsectful when Rick Ross finally dies to have a button on his tombstone that, when pressed, emitted his signature, guttaral “Ugh.” (It wouldn’t be sweet and would be disrespectful, but what it absolutely would be is fucking funny)

10:21am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zmz-XyDjaT7Q
December 23, 2011

I imagine the first time I stir up the courage to broach the subject of dirtying my tongue against a lady’s butthole, it will come out just as garbled, unintelligible, and psychotic as Bane’s voice in Dark Knight Rises.

9:55pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zmz-XyDiKJQY
December 22, 2011
The Sad Future

“According to your résumé, Mr. Jackson, you are a member of #TEAMFOLLOWBACK with 1,906 Following and 1,310 Followers, which does meet the minumum prerequisite of 1,500 Followers for employ as a scientist here at our Medical Science facilities.”

6:27pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zmz-XyDeZcaM
December 21, 2011
Nostalgia

My freshmen year of high school, in remedial math class, I watched a giant pick fall out of the black guy’s pocket who sat in front of me. Another black guy chimed in: “Hey, Dorin. You dropped your rake.” I bark-laughed. Dorin turned around, shot me a glare, asking, “What the fuck you laughin’ at, Jamie from Small Wonder?”

11:31am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zmz-XyDaFocw
November 14, 2011
"Sweep the leg, Johnny!"

— Boss of barbershop that cuts limbs instead of hair yelling at his young apprentice to clean.

10:52pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zmz-XyByFw7d
September 28, 2011
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Took a late night trip to the grocery store. Turned on the local Hip Hop and R & B station only to hear a song called “Just the Tip.” Sample lyric: “I just wanna put the tip in / enough of your water to skinny dip in.” Trying to parody society is mostly a fool’s errand because reality will always stick its neck out to beat you to a better punchline at 1/4 of the effort you put into mocking it.

1:57am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zmz-XyA1Jjqf
September 20, 2011

I can’t wait to read about the current dissatisfaction with Netflix in history books under the section titled “Things People Complained About While Society Lunged Toward Collapse.”

3:33pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zmz-Xy9kt6nQ
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