May 2010
15 posts
The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is gonna have to let loose with some ethnic slurs at The Laugh Factory in order to shift focus away from the oil spill in The Gulf.
May 30th
May 28th
I was looking forward to summer until I forgot about the worst part of summer: other people are also looking forward to it.
May 27th
May 22nd
A piece of boneless chicken rolls off the table and I snap my legs together with reflexive bravado, catching the spicy nugget between my thighs. You still got it, you sexy motherfucker.
May 20th
“Whose dick do I gotta suck around here to get a blowjob?”
– Michael Jordan
May 20th
“I’ll chomp on ya bit fah tree handred dollahs.”
– The Worst Prostitute Ever
May 15th
COLLEGE THESIS (Sample)
Look no further than the relationship between the drug dealer and the junkie for the answer to the question: “What is worse: Being an employee of Arby’s, or a customer?”
May 14th
“I wish we could use our dicks to trace over sentences being read aloud instead...”
– God
May 14th
“Goddamn — white people that don’t hate themselves are stupid.”
– The Huffington Post
May 11th
If I had one less thing to keep me bobbing along with the flow of society, this bird I just watched clean itself in a puddle would be all the motivation I needed to become homeless.
May 5th
Shirtless tweens hovering over ghastly-sized roadkill? You guessed it, I’m in Hobart, Indiana.
May 3rd
BIG to-do about this bomb found in a vehicle in NYC. GREAT. Now how’m I supposed to get the explosives I purchase from The Bomb Store to my home — on a fucking skateboard?!?!?!? Thanks, Obama! I WANT MY COUNTRY BACK!!!!!
May 2nd
“There are still milestones I’ve yet to achieve in music so, no, I’m...”
– Jay-Z
May 2nd
“After a decade of working alongside people you consider idiots, you may suddenly...”
– Joseph Farley, Genius
May 2nd