March 03 2010
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

This fictional commercial jingle for a brewery is just a sample of what your ad firm will get once I’m hired.

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February 22 2010

When I hear that band Nickelback, I want more than five cents in return.

—Henny Youngman
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February 20 2010

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February 15 2010
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
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February 03 2010

White titties, on the whole, just seem less oppressive than their black counterparts. What’s your definition of irony?

—Bill Cosby
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January 31 2010
When I see people like this, I imagine them getting raped by a large black man.

When I see people like this, I imagine them getting raped by a large black man.

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January 26 2010

This is called re-inventing the genre.

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January 17 2010

“beware of false profits the bible says to watch out they will tell u what u want to hear and pull u away from god and celibrateing the birth of god they will be convinceing and slie if u want to see truth pray and be open to his word love u all”

—This is a sincere status update via facebook from a kid/guy I went to high school with.  Before workplace massacres became rote, monthly news blips, he always had an aura about him that shone with that special tint that said, “I’m a sweet simpleton, and my humble, but stupid outlook will give you the warmest sunshine, or my bloody wrath should you anger and confuse me at the same time. I think you can see that reflected in this quote.
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January 16 2010

Hey geniuses! Why don’t you leave the hard stuff to the people who deserve it? Molestation victims who AREN’T brilliant.

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I think we can finally put to bed those rumors about Travolta not being able to sing and dance merrily.

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I can't get my hands on the prescription amphetamines necessary to write Science Fiction, so you're stuck with my lazy attempts at comedy.

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